What do you think of this story?

I like it... Im not normally one to give praise without advice but your synaps is sound and whole with no holes i can see....I have a few questions about the story BUT im sure if i read it you have the answers already.... many that seem to write on here Do not have all the angles answered and I will have tons of did you look at this side or this side... but yours sounds good.... I would love to see this written. and should you need anyone to proofread and make suggestions feal free to mail me... Im not a grammer nazi im nor concerned with story flow and tempo of the story and filling holes...